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I played the lottery last night for the first time in my entire life.

At the urging of my friend Scwanny, I bought a ten dollar Holiday Scratch-Off card with a maximum payout of 500,000 dollars because, "The cards just came out today, and they always give the most money away at the beginning of distribution."

This theory made sense to me, I suppose, and because tips were decent last night, I decided that I had ten bucks to spare.

So, on my way home from work, I stopped at a Marathon station and bought a ticket.

I didn't play right away. Rather, I waited until I got home before I scratched off the ticket.

(That's what she said.)

Anyway, by the time I finally sat down to play my ten dollar lottery ticket, I was absolutely convinced I was going to win.

I was realistic, I mean, I didn't expect to win the full 500,000. However, I had completely talked myself into the fact that I was going to clear a couple hundred anyway.

The way the ticket works, you have five "winning numbers." You scratch off your winning numbers to see what they are, exactly.

After you have your winning numbers, you have 20 chances to win. You just scratch off each number, and if it corresponds with one of your "winning numbers", you win the dollar amount listed below the number.

None of the numbers I scratched off matched any of my winning numbers.

I spent the better part of 45 minutes talking myself into the fact that I was going to win a bunch of money playing the Ohio Lottery, only to have my dreams shattered in five minutes.

Five, that's all it took.

It was the most anti-climatic moment in my life.

Well, almost...

Where am I going with this?

After I threw my lottery ticket away and muttered a few vulgarities under my breath, I sat down and began thinking about my lottery ticket experience and its connection with my fandom for the Cincinnati Redlegs.

After some consideration, I decided that being a Cincinnati Reds fan is a lot like playing the lottery and losing.

Reds fans enter each new season having spent an entire winter talking themself into the idea that their beloved Redlegs might actually have a puncher's chance at a division title. We tell ourselves that this time, we're going to win. 

Of course, we're realistic, we don't expect to win the jackpot. That said, we absolutely are convinced that we'll "clear a couple hundred, anyway."

Inevitably, however, the bullpen fails, Griffey gets hurt, (insert major offensive component here) grossly underachieves, Adam Dunn strikes out 200 times, and we're 10.5 games out by the end of April, or approximately five minutes.

After I threw my lottery ticket away, I spent the rest of the night kicking myself for even thinking I had a chance at winning, and feeling foolish for getting my hopes up so high.

By the middle of July, Reds fans begin to grow increasingly frustrated in their unfounded optimism while simultaneously battling the inherent insecurities which stem from feeling so foolish.

It's a vicious cycle, really.  

And that's the thing they use to get ya.

Commercials for the Ohio Lottery do not mention all the thousands of people that play the lottery each day and don't win. That would be assinine. Rather, they trot out all the past winners and say, "HEY! LOOK! THIS GUY WON. YOU COULD, TOO!" So, Ohioans drink the Kool-Aid, and go to the nearest gas station in droves in order to get their hands on a "winning" lottery ticket. 

The Cincinnati Reds organization does the same damn thing to their fans every season.

The organization markets the glory days of Reds baseball more than they market the current team. Great American Ballpark is filled with references to the Big Red Machine, and Petey, and 1990. This stands to reason; why should they market the current team? The current team sucks. No one is going to come out and support the current Cincinnati Reds roster.

That would be like the Ohio Lottery using an advertisement chock full of people that say, essentially, "I've played the lottery for 10 years and haven't won a single time!"

Here's the thing though, that marketing strategy actually works.

Right now some guy just stopped at a Citgo station filled up his gas stank, picked up a pack of Marlboro's, and bought himself a lottery ticket. After all, "ya never know."

Needless to say, however, I am not innocent from this trend in the least.

When March 31st rolls around, and the Reds open their season at home against Arizona, I will be in attendence.

Furthermore, I'm sure I'll be at a plethora of games after that.

I mean, ya never know, right?

Is it completely dellusional?

Yes.

But, that's what we do. It's the American Dream run amok.

Americans have an inherent desire to reject their current socio-economic status in order to strive for more. That's why we see millionaire CEO's of major corporations go to jail for illegial trading, and embezzlement. They want more.

No one is happy. Ever.

It's not enough for Reds fans to take solace in the fact that they have one of the most storied franchises in, not only, the history of baseball, but, the history of sports. We want more.

It's not enough for the a middle-class father to work full-time and provide for his family, he feels compelled to play the lottery. His life could change in an instant, he could send his kids to college, he can buy his wife the house of her dreams, etc.

It only takes one.

I'm not saying this is good, bad, or indifferent. I'm simply saying this is how it is.

Now, I think I'll go play the lottery again.

I have way too much to say to write a focused, centered column.

So, let's break this baby down blog style...

Look, I hate the Patriots as much as the next decent red-blooded, tax paying American. However, all this talk about the prospects of them running up the score on their opponent has gone too far. This is the NFL for crying out loud. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough, this might be a different conversation if this were city league pee-wee football where players sign up a month before the season begins, and teams are picked over a card game, and too much Captain Morgan.

I've written in the past about how, very often, fans care more about the outcomes of games than the players do. I still think this is very often the case. As far as the players are concerned a loss is a loss, and a win is a win. Do they like getting embrassed? No, certainly not. Honestly though, other than the adjective we use to describe the beating, what is the difference between a 38-7 drubbing and a 52-7 schlacking? The end result is still the same, and the message which was sent as a result of the final score isn't a whole lot different either.

If Jason Campbell was embarassed and humiliated as a result of the lop-sided defeat his team endured yesterday at the hands of the Patriots, perhaps he'll just have to drive his Bentley around to make himself feel better. Or maybe he could take the Jaguar?

We're dedicating entire segments on Sportscenter to discuss respect and sportsmanship and humiliation with regards to the manner in which the New England Patriots approach a football game. If we're going to legitamately discuss these topics, I would submit to you that we should do so in a context that is appropriate for the issue.

A 52-7 drubbing in a football game is not humiliating, having to panhandle on a street corner for spare change so one can buy groceries for his family, that is humiliating.

Attempting a 4th and 1 inside your opponents red-zone in a game that has already been decided is not disrespectful, denying women fair treatment in the work place, that is disrespectful.

Of course, no one is really concerned with those aspects of our society. Which would stand to reason, after all, the results of a regular season NFL football game is exponentially more important than poverty, homelessness, and equality between genders.  

The Buckeyes out-lasted the dreaded white out Saturday night in Happy Valley, as they overwhelmed a clearly inferior Penn St. team 37-17.

I'll admit it, I worry about this year's team. I didn't worry about last year's team. They were efficient, well-oiled. In short, they were a machine. This year's team is vulnerable, at least, on paper.

That said, each week it's a new opponent; and each week, it's another lop-sided victory.

Of course, critics (and there are many of them) clamor on and on about the lack of quality teams Ohio State has played thus far. What these people fail to acknowledge is that, with the exception of a grossly overrated Texas team, Ohio State didn't play anyone last year either until the Michigan game. As a conference, the Big 10 has suffered somewhat of a dry spell. The last few seasons have not seen the Big 10 produce its best crop of teams. When you look at the conference it's broken down into three sections:

The really good teams- Ohio State and Michigan are the two elite teams in the conference. These teams are capable of competing with anyone in the country on any given Saturday. Michigan's defeats at the hands of Appalachian State and Oregon (who is way better than anyone thought) not withstanding, the Wolverines are unbeaten this year and will probably head into the Ohio State unblemished within the conference. The Buckeyes have not been tested by a single team yet this year. And that probably will not change until they head to Ann Arbor.

The really mediocre teams- Wisconsin, Penn State, and Illinois are the perverbial 'middle-of-the-pack' teams in the Big 10. They are teams that win the games they should, but rarely beat anyone that is clearly superior than they are.

The really bad teams- This is list consists of the other 6 teams in the conference: Northwestern, Iowa, Purdue, Minnesota, Indiana, and Michigan State. These teams are exactly as the category with which they reside suggest...really bad.

My point is is, the Buckeyes cannot help the schedule they are given. The only thing they have control over is the result of the games they do play. And so far this season, the Buckeyes have done a fantastic job of controling the things they have control over, and they've done so in dominant fashion.

Those aforementioned critics, remember them? They are absolutely in love with the SEC Conference. The mere mention of Florida, LSU, Auburn, or even South Carolina will render them as euphoric as a bunch of 16 year-old girls at a Timberlake concert.

I hate to bust the SEC love-fest, but the fact of the matter is that the SEC isn't all the great. Is it the best conference in college football as far as depth is concerned? Absolutely. But, this commonly held idea that the Southeastern Conference is exponentially better than every other conference in the country is inherently flawed.

Georgia beat Florida last Saturday, Florida beat Kentucky just a week before, Kentucky lost to dismal Mississippi State just two weeks removed from beating LSU, and LSU has beaten South Carolina who got beat by Tennessee over the weekend, and Tennessee lost to California early in the year, and Cal...

We could play this game all day. In fact, in the pre-BCS days, when all we had to rely on were AP Polls and coach's votes, we had to play the game for an entire season. That's why we brought the BCS in. It's the most fair way to determine who the best team in college football is. (Short of a playoff system, of course.)

The computers say Ohio State is the best team in the country.

The Cleveland Browns have won two games in a row for the first time since 2002. This leaves them with a record of 4-3. Which leads Ables and Geiser to contend that the Browns are destined for a playoff berth.

They're so cute. Horrendously misguided, but kind of cute.

If we want to discuss teams that have been the beneficiaries of a weak schedule the Cleveland Browns should be the standard. They have four wins this season over teams with only five wins between them. Oh, and that big "winning streak" the Browns are on? Well, those two (some winning streak) wins have come against teams with exactly ZERO victories between them.

But, somehow that's OK because the Browns played the Patriots tougher than anyone else this season.

Or did New England just play its worst game?

In any event, the Browns won't clear seven wins. You heard it here first.

With that said, far be it for me to rip on any other team in the NFL right now.

The whodeys are 2-5.

Two and five.

The Bengals entered yesterday's game with a mark of 2-4, however, they were coming off an emotional come from behind win last Sunday. A victory at home against the hated Steelers would put them right back in the think of things in the vastly mediocre AFC North.

So, it would stand to reason the Bungals would piss down their leg in the biggest game of the season.

They are little more than a more talented, more recognizeable version of the embarassment fielded by the franchise in the late '90's. All we're missing is Joe Bugel and Akili Smith at this point.

It's awful.

While it is entirely possible the Browns won't clear seven victories. The freaking Bengals probably won't eclipse five.

While we're here...

It sucks so bad being a fan of Cincinnati sports teams right now. With both of our professional sports franchises floundering beyond recognition, and no end in sight I'm seriously considering escaping to the cloth as a means of trying to escape the torture and torment which comes with following a team that underachieves year after year after year.

We're so irrelevant right now, it's sad.

At least, I have the Buckeyes to fall back on.

They are the best team in the country, after all.

I heard an interesting story tonight from the 'Artist Formerly Known as my Girlfriend', Kelly Andrews.

She informed that someone used one of my pieces for a class presentation in her Voice Improvement class.

No kidding?

I have no idea who this person is, how he stumbled upon my column, or whether or not he's a Reds fan.

Apparently though, he's read my stuff at least once. 

Thank you.

And that goes for anyone who has ever read anything I have ever posted, printed, published, or scribbled onto the back of a napkin at Max & Erma's.

Thank you.

I know that you aren't reading what I have to say because of my insightful comments about sports, or my uncanny ability to accurately break down a game. For as much I clamor on and on in my writing about what I think might happen, or what should happen, let's be honest, I'm right about .000001% of the time.  

No, those who read what I have to say, er, write, do so because they enjoy not what I have to say, rather they enjoy the manner in which I say, er write, it.

This fact is absolutely not lost on me, and I take very seriously the responsibility of creating original content that is both entertaining and informative.

OK, maybe not so informative...but, definintely entertaining.

Of course, my writing is far from flawless. I have a nasty tendecy to make the same joke over and over again. And I write about the Reds way too much.

Even still, I try very hard, and I value, deeply, each and every person that takes time out of their day to sit down and take in the interworkings of my dark, twisted mind.

I have always said that I do not write so people will read my stuff. If no one ever read anything I wrote, I would still have this site; I would still write. I don't write for you, I write for me.

That said, the fact that you read my stuff, with any regularity whatsoever, means more to me than I can possibly express using simple words and sentences.

I guess I just felt compelled to get that off my chest tonight.

So, please keep reading. Read to yourself, read to your friends, read to your dog, read to anyone who will listen.

And I'll keep writing.

Yutz has been downright homicidal all day long.

Ables has not been able to make eye contact with anyone since the eight inning last night.

Geiser looks like you just ran over his dog with your car, backed over it again, got out, and urinated all over its dead, lifeless body.

Of course, I'm kidding.

Sort of.

But on the heels of the latest collapse by their sports team de jour, bitter, spiteful, self-loathing Clevelanders have begun clamoring, once again, about how much God hates the city, and how cursed their sports teams are.  

"When you haven't won in 59 years, it's a curse," Yutz explained.

True, 59 years is an awfully long time to go without winning a World Series. But, it's not like the Indians have not had ample opprtunities to win since that time.

After 41 consecutive years of missing the playoffs, the Indians advanced to the World Series in 1995.

They followed that up with consecutive playoff apearences in '96, '97 (another World Series appearence) , '98, and '99. After a one year hiatus in 2000, the Indians again made the playoffs in '01. All told, the Tribe chalked up six playoff trips in seven years, two trips to the World Series, two American League pennants, and five division titles.

What about the ironic twist of fate that brought future Hall of Famers Kenny Lofton, Omar Vizquel, Jim Thome, and Manny Ramirez to Cleveland in their primes?

It sounds like to me God was doing His part, the Indians just choked.

We aren't talking about football or NCAA basketball here, where one loss in the playoffs and you're done, where one freak play can completely alter the course of the game and ultimately lead to soul-crushing defeat.

You can't point to one specific play during the ALCS and say, "Yep, right there. That's why the Tribe lost."

There are a plethora of reasons the Indians lost that series: they lost because their two best pitchers failed to rise to the occassion in four total games. They lost because of questionable coaching at third base in game seven. They lost because their bullpen made me look like an idiot and failed to keep games six and seven close. They lost because two of their best hitters completely faded in the final three games of the series, and they lost because Casey Blake swung at the first pitch.

If any one of those things had gone differently the result of the series might have been different also. But, they didn't. The Red Sox advanced and the Indians didn't. That's the way sports goes.

Now, I know what you are thinking right now...

"Nate, you insenstive SOB. I'm a faithful reader who never misses a column and thinks you're the greatest sports writer of all time and should be immediately given a job at ESPN. I know you. If this had happened to your beloved Redlegs your perspective on the series would be completely different right now. You'd be rambling about the sports gods, and destiny, and fate. You'd be hopped up on painkillers that would render you virtually lifeless, as you question the existence of a caring, loving God silently to yourself."

That's a fair point. You are absolutely correct.

For this reason, I do not fault Yutz, Ables, Geiser, or any other die-hard Clevelander for feeling the way they do.

However, and I cannot emphasize this strongly enough, it was the Indians and NOT the Reds. Therefore, I am able to offer an unbiased, impartial perspective into the series and why the Indians lost.

 While we're here, I would give my right arm to feel the way Tribe fans right now.

'Tis better to have competed and lost, than to have not competed at all.

I understand how Indians feel, but I do not feel sorry for them one bit. I would absolutely trade places with them if I could. The Reds went 72-90 this year. For a point of comparision, the Indians had won that many games by the end of August.  At least Indians fans had something to cheer for, something to be passionate over, when October rolled around.

The only thing Redlegs Nation has been able to distract themselves with is Bengal football.

I would submit to you that is a fate worse than death.

Curse or no curse, the Indians and Reds have the same record now, and one underlying thought to comfort themselves over the course of the grueling winter ahead.

"Just wait 'til next year."